Dear Jeremy Piven, I don’t know if you noticed but I am way cuter than that girl you were with last night

Last night I was in Chelsea with my man friend picking up a bottle of wine when I quite literally ran into Jeremy Piven. I was too busy frantically searching for a new line of wines from Francis Ford Coppola to realize that the ball of juicy goodness I had just run into was Entourage’s very own Ari Gold. If I had realized immediately who he was the scenario probably would’ve gone something like this:

Oh my god I am so sorry I just stepped on your sneaker which is probably worth more than my apartment and wow you look SO much better when you have a little stubble and are not all uptight in a suit and on second thought your sneakers are just Pumas but seriously who is this skankface girl you are standing next to puh-leaze don’t tell me you are with this woman who is very possibly a lady of the night and oh my god seriously screw Adrian you are by far my favorite character on the show oh and did you know I ran into him at Chipotle a few years ago and that he actually plays in a band with a guy who is actually named Ari Gold? And how weird is this I was sitting next to Shauna (Debi Mazar) at Bar Pitti just last week…. until he finally interrupted my nervous word vomit or started slowly backing away.

But luckily, I was completely distracted so I simply smiled, said excuse me, and moved on. It wasn’t until we were standing in line that I couldn’t help but stare, not at him, but at the gargantuan blonde in platform patent leather heels and a skin tight shirt that she thought was long enough for a skirt. I believe there was also a red leather jacket or something equally trashtastic but I was too busy trying to figure out how her shirt/skirt was secured over her butt cheeks to pay much attention. Oh and there were extensions. I watched her hang on him with every limb possible, securing him with her tentacles so he couldn’t run away. When he turned his head to look longingly at his only escape route, I finally noticed it was him. And unlike his lady friend, he looked good. So good.

And so Jeremy, I write to you as a friend, after all I have had run ins with your castmates, and now you, so lets just say we’re friends. I’m sure your accomplice had a kind heart or a caring nature or a great tongue or what have you, but I just want to put it out there that, if you wanted to, you could do better. And if you need some help on where to go for “better” please see the photo above for inspiration. And call me.

Warmest wishes,

Katie Hull

Explore posts in the same categories: Fun Stuff, New York City

Tags: , , , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

2 Comments on “Dear Jeremy Piven, I don’t know if you noticed but I am way cuter than that girl you were with last night”

  1. Chris Says:


    That was pure gold.

  2. from TO Says:

    Recently saw him in similar circumstances in YYZ and thought the exact same thing!
    1) He is better looking in person than on tv – stubble was lovely. So soft spoken and polite!
    2) I too, am way cuter and classier than his female companion! My mental monologue included elements of being a nice Jewish girl he can take home to mom – very unlike the lady of the dark arts with him at the time.
    Hilarious commentary! Thanks for the laugh and the great minds think alike moment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: